Thursday, September 22, 2005

Jeb Bush Adds "Insane" To His Long List Of Credentials

Jeb Bush has been playing a weird, pro-capitalist, mystical version of Dungeons and Dragons lately. Or he's joined a Republican/New Age splinter group. Or he's eating Fruit Loops from the Cocoa Puffs box, if you know what I mean. No? What I mean is that he's channeling an "ancienct mystic warrior" named Chang. Or maybe Chaing.

"Chang is a mystical warrior. Chang is somebody who believes in conservative principles, believes in entrepreneurial capitalism, believes in moral values that underpin a free society.

“I rely on Chang with great regularity in my public life. He has been by my side and sometimes I let him down. But Chang, this mystical warrior, has never let me down"

After saying this, Bush then unsheathed a "golden sword" and gave it to Florida House Speaker Marco Rubio as a gift.

Based on this behavior, I'd say Jeb Bush is no longer eligible for the priesthood (see post below).

Schwarzenegger's poor memory

San Jose Mercury News reports on a very sad occurence: Arnold Schwarzenegger seems to be suffering from early-onset Alzheimer's:

Q: Let me change gears here for a moment, if you don't mind. I'm curious if you, Governor Schwarzenegger or private citizen Arnold Schwarzenegger, if you've have ever attended a gay marriage or a gay commitment ceremony -- a gay or lesbian marriage or commitment ceremony?

Arnold Schwarzenegger: I can't remember.

Quirmos For Christ

The vatican is releasing a document saying that even celibate gay men can't be priests. But if there are celibate gay men then did God make them gay? I mean, they're not doing anything gay, right? So how are they gay, in a Christian sort of way where God makes you and then you have free will to put your weener in a boy or a girl?

Wouldn't it be funny if all the gay priests quit after this edict? There'd be like 3 priests left in the country, and they'd be the really nerdy guys who just haven't been able to figure out why it is that their penises feel tingly when they watch "Magnum P.I." reruns.