Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Jeb Bush Goes All Stalin-y

Not wanting his brother to have all the Stalinist fun, Jeb Bush is now setting up his own "ministry of information" and secret police force.

Or at least he's created his own little Armstrong Williams in the form of Mike Vasilinda, a TV reporter whose reports aired on CNN and Florida NBC stations. While Vasilinda was supposedly "reporting" the "news," he was also receiving $100,000 from Jeb Bush's office, the office of the secretary of state, and several other government entities and agencies.

Which would be fine, if he wasn't reporting on those very people. I'm guessing his reports were, though, rather favorable.

Aside from paying for news, Jeb Bush also asked state agents to kidnap Terri Schiavo in violation of a judge's order, or so says the Miami Herald. Sadly, if you click on that link you have to go through a lengthy registration process. Barring that, here's the money quote:

Hours after a judge ordered that Terri Schiavo was not to be removed from her hospice, a team of state agents was ''en route'' to seize her and have her feeding tube reinserted -- but the agents stopped short when local police told them they intended to enforce the judge's order, The Herald has learned.

Agents of the Florida Department of Law Enforcement told police in Pinellas Park, the small town where Schiavo lies at Hospice House Woodside, on Thursday that they were on the way to take her to a hospital to resume her feeding.

For a brief period, local police, who have officers at the hospice to keep protesters out, prepared for what sources called ``a showdown.''

In the end, the squad from the FDLE and the Department of Children & Families backed down, apparently concerned about confronting local police outside the hospice.

''We told them that unless they had the judge with them when they came, they were not going to get in,'' said a source with the local police.

''The FDLE called to say they were en route to the scene,'' said an official with the city police who requested anonymity. ``When the sheriff's department and our department told them they could not enforce their order, they backed off.''

Wow! With his own news-whore and his own stormtroopers, Jeb Bush has become Florida's first Politburo leader! Way to go, comrade!

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

DeLay Deals Deathblow To Dad, Denies Decency to Dying Dame

I wasn't going to say anything about the Schiavo case, because it was so incredibly inconsequential on a national/political scale, but when you convene a special session of Congress to subpeona brain-dead people to testify, you're not only wasting my money, you're grandstanding in the most egregious manner. And you're hurting people. And that's wrong.

Now, of course, it's come out that many of the people involved in this grandstanding don't even believe in the issue they're pimping. G. W. Bush, who sent a lot of people to die without much thought (how do I know that it was without much thought? It's George Fucking Bush, ferchissakes!) and then rushed to D.C. to sign special legislation to "save" the "life" of Terri Schiavo, also once signed a bill allowing hospital ethics committees "to overrule the wishes of family members and terminate life support if they believe further care would be futile." (as reported in goes to text of bill.)

Then it came out that Tom DeLay made an end-of-life decision for his father, deciding that he should be taken off life support and allowed to die. Strangely, Delay has refused to comment on this. Could it be that he considers this a private, family matter, and that he wouldn't want it dragged out in the press or, say, in a special session of Congress?

To be fair, DeLay didn't say he wasn't going to talk about it because it was a private matter... he just refused to comment. I mean, it's entirely possible that DeLay doesn't want to talk about it because he's aware that in matters of this sort, he comes across as exactly the kind of mean-spirited, manipulative ass-wipe who would torture the Schiavo/Schindler family just to gain some political capital even when it means taking a stand he doesn't in the slightest believe in.

Friday, March 25, 2005

God Hates Volcanoes

Stupidity isn't a crime. Propagating stupidity should be. And yet, in America, it's now the standard practice: a number of Imax theaters are refusing to show a film about undersea volcanoes because there is a refence to evolution in it. If you don't believe in evolution, hey, I wish I was you, because you're now in position to read for the first time the overwhelming evidence that not only supports, but completely proves this scientifically non-controversial theory! What fun lies before you! It's like being a kid on Xmas morning!

See, it seems that these theaters reside in parts of the country where people still prefer to believe stuff that makes them feel good, rather than things that are demonstrably true. In those parts of the country they call this attitude "faith." Around here we call that "cowardice."

"O no! I can't watch this film! It might offend the easily offended sky-man who I pray and give my money to!" Hey, guess what you little God-fearing wuss! If you can't stand up to your imaginary God-friend over something like going to see a movie, maybe you're not brave enough to be making any decisions for anyone.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Good Deeds By People I Hate

People seem to think I hate GW Bush and God. Actually, I just hate God. I dare not hate GW because he has actual power.

But lately both have done some good things. So a shout out to GW, whose Secretary of the Dept of Homeland Security has announced that instead of using the Homeland Security budget to make a lot of Republican senators happy by funding an enormous Sea Ports Security program in Montana and the Utah Angel-Based Missile Defense Initiative, he will instead be sending more of the cash to places that are likely to be hit by terrorists, even if those places are full of godless liberal homosexual Jews. Thus, New Jersey and New York are likely to finally receive some of the money that was promised them after the only major terrorist attack in the U.S. occured on their jointly run property. Of course, in announcing that the money will be spent where it's needed, rather than in some state with a population of two and total resources equal in value to a very comely sheep, Mr. Chertoff has come under fire from those Republicans in the Senate who think that accepting heaping wads of government pork is the best way to show their dedication to the conservative principle of controlling government spending. See, because ultimately, that will bankrupt the government, and then they won't be able to spend anymore. By the way, I'm not kidding: that's the actual theory at work.

The other good deed by an asshole this week comes from God, who is probably the biggest dick around (just check out Leviticus if you don't believe me), whose servants, the evangelical Christians who helped elect the man who has the worst environmental rating of any president in recent history, have decided that they shouldn't just use up all the earth's natural resources before Jesus comes back next week. Instead, they've misread another passage in the Bible, but this time instead of assuming that the good book is telling them to make life miserable for homosexuals and working people, they've decided that its telling them to stop global warming.

Key quote:

The Rev. Ted Haggard, president of the National Association of Evangelicals, an umbrella group of 51 church denominations, said he had become passionate about global warming because of his experience scuba diving and observing the effects of rising ocean temperatures and pollution on coral reefs.

Sometimes when you're on a luxury scuba diving vacation on the money that poor people gave you because you told them that God would like you to have more of their cash, you discover that the beautiful coral reefs that you paid good, Christian money to see are not as pretty as you would like, and you say, "Hey, maybe I'd have a better vacation if I stopped global warming." And then God blesses you, and if you're a wealthy evangelist with a lot of political clout, you get a meeting with the president. Amen.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Think Christ or Starve

Ever wonder why GW has been so eager to use your tax payer dollars to fund groups that believe the world was created in six days by an angry guy who wants you to chop off your foreskin and stone homosexuals to death?

It's all part of transfering government services to the private religious sector so that they can discriminate in ways that would be otherwise illegal. I'm not applying a motive ex post facto here: the government is actually tasking the Justice Department with supporting the rights of those who wish to discriminate against Jews, Muslims and atheists.

See this article for the details.

The short version is that the Salvation Army, using money from the government (i.e. your and my money), wants to be able to hire people, pay them with that money, and fire them or refuse to hire them if they don't accept that some smelly desert dweller circa 30 AD was able to do magical stuff like make alcohol beverages for free and bring back the dead and die on a cross and shit.

Now, not everyone wants to give up rational thought and evidence-based belief systems in exchange for random bullshit that makes no fucking sense and has nothing to back it up. But if you don't want to believe this crap, don't try getting in on any of these publically financed jobs. From now on, government positions are reserved for the gullible.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Quit Stalin!

Like all of America (by which I mean that tasty slice between Canada and Mexico) I've been enjoying the increasing Stalinization of our country. While we export democracy abroad (and if things keep going the way they are, pretty soon, thanks in part to U.S. efforts, Lebanon, Egypt, Iraq and the Ukraine will be able to look at the us and say "hey, maybe you ought to have a press that isn't state controlled, a legal system that doesn't condone torture, and a political apparatus that isn't designed to eliminate the civil rights of your political opponents" with no hint of irony or hypocrisy), we're slowly eliminating it at home.

But a Stalinization tactic that I didn't think would make the trip across the pond to our fair country is apparently now in effect: labelling politicaly inconvenient persons as insane. It seems that before the Abu Ghraib story broke an army intelligence non-com "told his commander three members of the counterintelligence team had hit detainees, pulled their hair, tried to asphyxiate them and staged mock executions with pistols pointed at the detainees' heads." In exchange for his honesty on this point, he was accused of being delusional (because U.S. forces would never do anything bad!) and ordered to undergo psychiatric evaluation.

Luckily, we have a process of overview and inquiry that is designed to investigate these allegations, and bring to light those responsible. Well, we do as long as Bush's political cronies in the Senate don't block such inquiries.

But that would never happen!

I mean, thank you Reverend Senator Pat Robertson, for taking the tremendously Christian view that we should never question government policy! Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's, especially if what you're rendering is human bodies up for torture.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Kids today: can't feed 'em, can't legally execute them.

The Supreme Court (of the United States!) decided today that even the most God-fearing Americans (i.e. Texans) should not be allowed to execute anyone unless that person was at least 18 years of age at the time he or she committed the capital offense.

Also today, the UN released a report showing that the US was, amongst "wealthy nations," the one where children are most likely to be poor. (Well, actually Mexico was number one and the US was number two, but that kind of stretches the notion of "wealthy nation.")

Now, aren't these two things linked? I mean, if we could simply kill these kids, they wouldn't be living in poverty (by definition of the term "living.") So it's another case of the hypocrisy of the left: a bunch of bleeding-heart judges go "boo-hoo" for some nasty hoodlums and refuse to offer them the sweet release of death, while the commies over at the UN note that there are too many poor children in the US!!!! As if fixing one problem wouldn't fix the other!

This is why the Republicans control all branches of government, the news media, and your genitals.