Sunday, October 31, 2004

As you probably know, every time the Redskins win their last pre-election homegame, the incumbent party is re-elected. Every time they lose, the incumbent party is defeated.


Not only does this mean Kerry will win the election, it seems extraordinarily fitting that the only publically owned team, a team from a traditional Blue state, and the team which values an honest foreign policy over jingoistic sloganeering and imperialist expansion (based on what I've seen of their defensive strategy) should trounce the Redskins, whose very name epitomizes the Republican party in its racism and insensitivity to native cultures.

Not only that, but Brett Favre, a true warrior, played with an injured hand. I guess I don't need to remind you that John Kerry, also a true warrior, campaigns with shrapnel embedded in his leg. Coincidence? I think so.

Saturday, October 16, 2004

My Date With Mary

One time, I was out with my girlfriend, Mary Cheney, at her parent's house, and we were sitting and chatting amicably about the benefits of corporate monopoly capitalism and the elimination of the boundaries between state and business, and how this would lead to a one-word global economy which, like Stalinist visions of internationalism, would be highly centrally controlled, but, unlike Stalinist internationalism, would still include class stratification. Anyway, I say something about the necessary erosion of civil liberties required by such a society, and how that's a good thing, and that it would be naturally accomplished in part by the unification of the various media conglomerates, and Dick says, "yeah, but the problem is that even the proper {i.e. right-wing} media have a large contingent of homosexuals in decision-making positions," and Mary says "but Dad, I'm a twat-munching lesbian!" and I'm all like "you are!?" Man, was I surprised.

Because she had just given me the best blowjob I'd ever had.

Best. Blow-job. Ever.